American Buddha Bulletin Board

50 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LAMA, by Charles Carreon

(Loosely, to the tune of Paul Simon's "Fifty Ways to Leave Your Lover")

They’ve been enslaved so long, says Ambu wistfully,
The answer’s easy – but they won’t think logically.
They’re scared to ask for help as they struggle to be free, but
There’s at least 50 ways to leave your Lama.

She continued, with a serious attitude,
Unconcerned that she might be misunderstood,
Her thoughts oppose authorities, who say she’s rude,
But she knows 50 ways to leave your Lama.

Try these:
Just ease up on the sauce,
Norbu;
Ain’t ya’ heard of a condom,
Tendzin?
Get a grip on yourself,
Sogyal.
Just do it naturally!

Say:
I just don’t think like Naropa,
Trungpa,
I’d rather count my own money,
Kazi,
Not if we can’t tell nobody,
Kalu.
You’ll feel Mongolian-free!

Recite:
You’re not as big as your Daddy,
Sawang;
Jetsunma is a joke,
Pednor,
Ya’ got the wrong Karmapa,
Dalai.
We ain’t in Lhasa, ya see?

Well how can she expect a heart to bear this lonely pain?
To break the bonds that keep you spiritually safe?
Well she appreciates that, and help is on the way,
In the form of
Fifty ways to leave your Lama.

You love to meditate, but it makes you so uptight,
Behind the serious looks you use to block the light,
And when she kisses you, you’ll realize she’s right
And recognize you need one of these
Fifty ways to leave your Lama.